Have you ever felt that God has let you down? Have you been disappointed by God's silence, when you felt you needed him desperately – and you had prayed to him so earnestly about some acute situation you were in?

If so – you are not alone. There have been countless many others, who have found it difficult – impossible – to understand why God is like that. At one time you are full of faith and hope – and then some tragedy comes along – and you've doubted whether God exists or cares about you.

1. To hear may not be enough...

I have no doubt that is how the disciples felt on the Friday Jesus was killed – and on the next day, too. And that's surely how Thomas went on feeling. He had loved Jesus passionately. He knew the dangers Jesus was walking into by returning to Jerusalem, and he'd said to the others, Let's also go, that we may die with him!

But it hadn't turned out like that. They'd saved their skins by running away – but the Jesus Thomas was devoted to, had been arrested and killed. Thomas was deeply grieved – but also confused and so hurt that God had abandoned Jesus to his fate.

And then, to make it worse – all his friends had suddenly changed – become excited and happy with talk of Jesus' reappearance. Yes, Thomas knew it was true that the tomb was empty – all Jerusalem knew that.

The authorities had put it about that Jesus' disciples had stolen the body. But Thomas knew that just couldn't be true. It wasn't consistent with their change of mood – or their talk of seeing Jesus. Thomas could only think they'd been bewitched! He wasn't going to be fooled by some vision or ghost! He wanted solid, tangible proof – or he certainly wouldn't believe! And he laid down the conditions that would have to be satisfied, if he, Thomas, was ever going to believe what they believed!

The empty tomb by itself wasn't proof enough – but Thomas couldn't think of an explanation that made sense. As the days passed and Jesus made no further appearance, Thomas was confirmed in his misery and disbelief. Of course, he longed for it to be true, that Jesus was alive again – but wishing didn't alter the stubborn fact that Jesus really had died – an awful death – his enemies and the Romans had seen to that.

And he'd been buried, like any other dead man. No way could he have recovered, even if someone had broken into his tomb. Dead men don't rise again – and that was the end of it. Yet Jesus had raised Lazarus from the dead. Thomas was sure of that – he was there wasn't he? That wasn't faked – he knew those involved only too well.

Suppose what his friends kept on telling was true – what did it mean? Surely Thomas pondered a lot that week. Well, for a start, it would mean that God had overturned the wicked, unjust verdict that men had passed on Jesus. But why – why had God just left Jesus to suffer and die first?

Of course Thomas knew that thousands die, who are innocent of crimes, because of the hatred and violence of evil men. But Jesus had always seemed so much in command of every situation. He'd plainly anticipated his own death – seen meaning in it – believed he was doing God's will.

Thomas' friends kept telling him that the risen Jesus had explained it all in terms of the writings of the prophets – but Thomas, utterly depressed, had just felt unable to take it in – or believe it could turn out to be a good thing after all.

I believe that, as Thomas turned the past over in his mind, he recalled some of the things Jesus had said about himself. Things like, "I am with you for only a short time, and then I go to the one who sent me. You will look for me, but you will not find me; and where I am, you cannot come." (John 7:33,34)

"You do not know me or my Father. If you really knew me, you would know my Father also... If God were your Father, you would love me, for I come from God... I have not come on my own, but he sent me." (John 8:19,42)

"I am the good shepherd... and I lay down my life for the sheep... My sheep listen to my voice and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish... My Father who has given them to me, is greater than all... I and the Father are one. .And the Jews had said, You, a mere man, are claiming to be God!" (John 10:11,15,27-30, 33)

And, when Jesus had said to his friends, "You know the way to the place where I am going," it was Thomas himself who had said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" To which Jesus had answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No-one comes to the Father except through me. From now on, you do know him and have seen him." (John 14:4-7)

If God had vindicated Jesus, by raising him from the dead – didn't that mean that all those things Jesus had said about himself must be utterly true? I suspect Thomas felt he was on the verge of realising –of knowing – something tremendously important – if only Jesus would favour him with a personal appearance.

There was one other influence that week that must have meant a lot to Thomas, and kept him with his friends that second Sunday night. It was their understanding, their tolerance of his stubborn refusal to believe them, their obvious love for him. He'd argued fiercely with them – but they'd still accepted him as one of themselves. Perhaps it was because they knew of his love for Jesus, that he was grieving and just couldn't accept what they kept telling him.

2. Belief and peace come from a personal encounter...

And then came that second Sunday night, when the disciples of Jesus are once again gathered together, and this time Thomas is with them. They are still fearful of the authorities, who had put Jesus to death. So, again, the doors are locked. Had Jesus knocked on the door, it might have caused greater fear, and they might have hesitated to open to him, but – as on the previous Sunday – he'd suddenly appears in their midst and greets them, "Peace be with you!"

This is no conventional greeting, as the world gives, but the perfect peace he gives in the midst of trouble. (John 14:27; 16:33) Then Jesus turns to Thomas, Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Every condition Thomas had laid down, Jesus graciously meets. He understands his hard-headed disciple – his very words make it clear that Jesus was present, unseen, when Thomas laid down those conditions – but now he summons him to "Stop doubting and believe!"

Does Thomas take up Jesus' invitation to handle him? I don't think so, even though I believe the other disciples had done so the week before (Luke 24:39; 1 John 1:1) – rather I think he falls on his knees before Jesus as he, full of emotion, makes that confession which is the climax of John's Gospel, "My Lord and my God!" Here at last Thomas makes and expresses that supreme discovery of who Jesus is, that every one of us is called to do.

Thomas is in no way rebuked for addressing Jesus as God – unlike Cornelius who knelt in reverence at Peter's feet (Acts 10:26) – or the priest of Zeus at Lystra who wanted to offer sacrifices to Paul and Barnabas (Acts 14:11-15) – or John, who fell down to worship at the feet of an angel. (Rev 22:8,9) The New Testament, from beginning to end, presents us with a Jesus Christ who is both fully human and fully God.

Jesus goes on to say to Thomas, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." If we believe and trust Jesus, and acknowledge him as our Lord and God – we are not more blessed than Thomas, but we share with him the joy of experiencing what God has done in and for us by his Spirit.

What we both require to come to faith in Jesus is more than circumstantial evidence and logical argument – although these are readily available to us. No, what we all require, in one form or other, is a personal encounter with the living Christ. It cannot, for us, take the form of a flesh-and-blood physical encounter with the risen Christ. We have to take on trust the reality of that experience of Thomas.

Nonetheless, we must know ourselves personally addressed by our Saviour and, in response, we must give our whole selves to him in an act of commitment and trust. How can this come about? From this record of Thomas' experience it should be clear that, to have true faith, you don't have to put your brain in your pocket! We ought to read the New Testament carefully – and especially the Gospels.

But we also need to do so with an honest intention, that is to say, with a willingness to obey as Lord, the Jesus who reveals himself to us as real and alive! For Jesus had these words for those who doubted whether his teaching came from God, "If anyone chooses to do God's will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God, or whether I speak on my own." (John 7:17)

As an earnest of our intentions, we ought to ask God to reveal to us the truth about ourselves and about Jesus, so that we may act upon it. God's promise to his people, made long ago, still stands, "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (Jer 29:13) The Jesus, who gently condescended to Thomas' conditions, will deal as graciously with us.

You may encounter him through his recorded words, applied afresh by his Spirit, but be aware that you may also encounter him through the words or deeds of those who love him now – but you will encounter Jesus most profoundly when you take him at his word and open your heart and life to him, despite your doubts and fears. He offers us his peace of heart and mind, true wholeness of being, as he offered to his fearful disciples then.

On this occasion, as on the previous Sunday, it was after Jesus had spoken that word of "Peace be with you!" – that Jesus showed his disciples the wounds in his hands and side. We can know that peace only because Jesus died for us on that cross. That is the very heart of the gospel. And God tells it is so, because he raised Jesus from among the dead – so that we might know there was a way back to him, through Jesus' shed blood – and come to him for forgiveness for our disobedience and disbelief. (Rom 4:25; 5:1; Eph 2:13,14)

Moreover, there is a peace here for those who are bruised in spirit because of some tragedy in their lives. I began by asking if you had ever felt let down by God, wounded by his silence? Maybe you have been angered by the evil you've known happen, yet God has appeared to be indifferent, and you've wondered if he cared.

As I said, Thomas may have felt like that about the death of Jesus. But he couldn't continue to feel that, could he? The resurrection – and Jesus' personal love and concern for Thomas – had changed everything. "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8,9)

Our peace is to be found in resting in what we do know of God's unfailing love and wisdom – in the realisation that he came here among us, to experience human life as we do, in all its sadness, suffering and injustice – and yet be victor, on our behalf – so that we might enter into his joy, and life with him for ever. Here, the call is to trust – to walk the life of faith day by day, step by step, looking only to Jesus for strength – and light sufficient for each step, and leaving to him the things we do not understand. (Deut 29:29; Psa 119:105; John 16:33)

3. Faith and obedience go hand in hand...

Finally, as we ponder the significance of this encounter of Jesus with Thomas, let us think further about Thomas' choice of words to express his response to Jesus' self-disclosure. We have thought about his addressing Jesus as God. With Thomas' use of my – we see his own self-discovery – and his own worship and commitment to Jesus.

But Thomas' first words were, "My Lord." Undoubtedly he was putting into that word all it might contain. It was no longer just a polite form of address, as we might say, Sir. It was the word Greek-speaking Jews used instead of the sacred name of God, and which they would therefore never give to the Roman Emperor. And, on Thomas' lips, it undoubtedly signified his utter submission and whole-hearted surrender to Jesus as his Lord and Master. Faith and obedience must go hand in hand.

If the tradition is right – and there's no real reason to doubt it – Thomas spent the rest of his life taking the good news of Jesus to southern India, where he was eventually martyred near the present-day city of Chennai [it used to be called Madras]. His memorial is the Mar Thoma church, that still exists in Kerala, and the Christian witness throughout India to this day.

So – where does that leave us? John summarises the purpose of his whole Gospel in these words, "These [signs] are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." (John 20:31) That indeed is vital – that we should come to have life, through committing ourselves to Jesus, as Thomas did. If there are those here who hesitate to do so, I pray you may ponder Thomas' experience – and act as he did.

But there is another reading of the Greek, that is thought by some to be better attested. This says, "these are written that you may go on believing..." Each of us needs encouragement to follow more closely in the footsteps of our Master, to love him more devotedly and to serve him more faithfully. May we do so!

                                                                                       Amen.