This message is adapted from one preached by Rick Warren. Scripture Reference: John 13:1-17

We’re continuing in our series we’re calling “40 Days of Building Relationships with God’s Love.” We’re looking at eight different expressions of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. Today, we’re looking at “Love is Humble.” It tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) ”Love does not boast, it is not proud.” If you want to build authentic relationships, you’ve got to learn the characteristic of humility.

Humility may be the most misunderstood character quality. So before we begin looking at what it is, let me explain to you what humility is not. Humility is not shyness. It’s not being timid or bashful. It’s not being a weak or spineless wimp. Humility is not a lack of confidence. It’s not insecurity. Humility is definitely not having a low opinion of yourself. Jesus was very humble and yet he did not have a low opinion of himself. Humility is not being a passive doormat. Humility is not having poor self-esteem. Humility is not putting yourself down all the time. Jesus never put himself down, and yet he was the most humble person whoever lived.

Humility takes enormous amounts of courage. We’re going to see that humility takes self-confidence. It takes a high self-esteem. It takes a personal security. In fact, insecure people cannot be humble. They have a very hard time being humble. Insecurity produces the exact opposite in our lives. It produces pride. Whenever you find somebody who is arrogant, prideful, boastful, egotistical or self-concerned, you can know that they are masking deep insecurity.

Pride is always a cover-up for insecurity. When you see a person who acts as though they run the world, as though they have everything together, they are masking deep insecurity. Insecurity causes us to boast. It causes us to exaggerate. It causes us to worry about what other people think of us. It is insecurity that causes us to be hypercritical and judgmental of other people. So rather than pride being a matter of confidence, humility – the exact opposite – is a matter of confidence. Jesus was able to be humble because he knew exactly who he was.

This week in our small group Bible study we’re going to look at how Jesus washed the feet of His disciples. He was only able to do that because he was very secure in His position. He knew who he was. John 13:3-5 (NIV) – ‘Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God ……. Poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet.’

God loves humility. In fact the Bible says this in Isaiah 66:2: (NIV) “This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit” God says, “I treasure people who have a spirit of genuine, real humility.”

Because humility is a part of love – love is humble – the Bible teaches us that humility is something you do. It is a way of thinking and a way of acting. It has nothing to do with your feelings. You say, “I don’t feel very humble.” That doesn’t matter. Feelings have nothing to do with humility at all. In fact, how you feel is quite immaterial. Humility is a way of acting. It is something you do. It is a way of thinking. Because of that – like love, humility is a choice. You choose to be humble. It’s not something that’s done to you. It’s something that you choose to do yourself.

The Bible tells us, ”Humble yourself before God.” You choose to not be self-centered. You choose to not be arrogant. You choose to not be egotistical. Instead you choose to act in humble ways.

What is humility? It’s not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of others instead of yourself and acting in their best interest instead of your own. Humility is not putting yourself down or thinking less of yourself. Humility is to think about others and forget yourself. Humility is self-forgetfulness.

That is a choice, and that’s something you can work on. It’s something you can practice. 1 John 3:18 (NIV) says “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” The Bible says love is something you can practice, something you can get good at by repeating it over and over and over.

You know what it means to practice. How many of you have ever had music lessons? You know the meaning of practice. How many of you have ever been on any kind of sports team. You know the meaning of practice. You have to work hard to get good at it. When you do something over and over and over, you get good at it. You get better. At first when you start doing it, it doesn’t seem fun. It doesn’t seem natural. It’s usually pretty difficult. But the more you do it, the better you do it.

Today we’re going to talk about four practical ways that you can practice humility. Some of you may be thinking, “I don’t need this message.” If you feel that, you need it more than anybody else. The amazing thing about pride is we see it instantly in other people and we hate it. But we’re always blind to pride in ourselves. You may be thinking, “I don’t go around boasting. I don’t go around exaggerating and talking about myself all the time.” That’s just one of a thousand different expressions of pride or boastfulness. There are many other ways to be prideful than. It is those other forms of pride that are less exposed, more internal, that don’t seem so obvious, that really cause us to stumble.

Today, we’re going to look at four kinds of pride that we normally don’t look at and some ways in which we can practice humility.

1. Practice giving preference to others.

Think about the situations in your life that are difficult to give preference to another person. You let someone else go first. For example, imagine you are standing in the checkout queue at the super-market. It’s the longest, slowest queue. You’re in a hurry. The person behind you is hitting you with their trolley. Then all of a sudden another checkout is opened. What are you going to do in that moment?

I asked our Church pastors what they would do.

One gave me what I would call the Rambo approach. You knock down small children and old women, and you go right for lane 4. (These are our pastors!)

Romans 12:10 (NIV) says, “Honour one another above yourselves.” I remember a quote of Leonard Bernstein, the famous orchestra conductor, when he was asked what is the most difficult instrument in the orchestra to play? He said, “Second fiddle.”

To paraphrase the verse we just read, Romans 12:10 (Message paraphrase),“Practice playing second fiddle.” Find some categories in your life where you can let someone else get the spotlight and you can give some preference to them.

Another way that you can give preference to others is to help other people get ahead.

Philippians 2:3-8, (NLT) “Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. Yours attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal’s death on a cross.” Think of the humble life Jesus lived, coming from heaven to earth, born in a stable. When he was making a very public entrance into the city of Jerusalem, he chose to come into the city on the back of donkey. Then He died a criminal’s death. Why? Because in his death, you and I are given the opportunity to have life. Jesus put our preferences ahead of His own.

There’s another way we can give preference to others. That’s by doing more listening than talking. James 1:19 (NLT) says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” We get those first two reversed. We are slow to listen, quick to speak.

2. The second way you can practice humility is to practice learning from others.

Being open to their suggestion, being open to their correction, even being open to criticism. That is a major component of humility. Part of humility is teachability, being willing to listen and willing to learn and willing to grow. Don’t think you know it all. Don’t act as if you know it all.

Why should you do that? Why should you be open to criticism? Why should you be open to the correction of people around me? There are two or three really good reasons.

• One, you’ll be more likeable. The Bible says in Proverbs 15:12 (NIV), “A mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise.” You’ll be more likeable if you’re not conceited, if you’re open to teaching. Do you enjoy being around arrogant people? Of course not. They’re irritating. People like you better if you’re humble than if you’re proud.

• Two, you’ll be wiser if you’re open to the correction of other people. Proverbs 15:32 (NLT) says, “If you reject criticism you only harm yourself. But if you listen to correction you grow in understanding.” Humble people are always learning because they’re open to correction. Everybody’s ignorant on different subjects. You know some things that I don’t know, and I know some things that maybe you don’t know. The person next to you knows some things that maybe both of us don’t know. We all come from different backgrounds.

That’s why two heads are better than one and it’s wise to learn from the experience of others. You don’t have time in life to learn everything from personal experience. It’s wiser to learn from the experience of others. The way to do that is by learning to ask questions. The only way to learn to ask questions is if you’re humble, if you’re open.

You’ve got to decide in life whether you want to be wise or appear wise. Whether you want to be smart or appear smart. If you want to appear smart, then you can’t ever let on that you don’t know, so you always have to boast your way through situations and you never do really learn anything. I like to tell pastors, “All leaders are learners. The moment you stop learning, you stop leading.” It’s one of the key qualities of leadership. You never stop learning and growing.

Proverbs says, “Intelligent people are always looking for new ideas.” In fact, they’re open to them and looking for them all the time. You look around and say, “How can I be teachable? How can I learn more?” You’ll be wiser if you’re open to correction.

• Three, you’ll have less conflict. You’ll have fewer conflicts if you’re open to the correction of others. Proverbs 13:10 (NLT) says, “Pride only leads to arguments.” I’ve got a personal stake in this verse. This is the first verse that Kay and I memorized after we got married. We actually memorized it on our honeymoon because we needed it on our honeymoon. “Pride only leads to arguments.” Anytime you get in an argument you can know that pride is rearing its ugly head.

This is this week’s memory verse: Proverbs 13:10 (NLT), “Pride only leads to arguments.” I hope you’ll memorize that verse and put it in your mind. Sometime this week you’ll get in an argument with somebody you love or somebody you don’t love, and God’s going to say, “Remember that verse? Pride only leads to arguments.” You can calm it down if you will reduce the pride in your life and you’ll have a more humble attitude and you can see what’s causing the problem.

Every time you are criticized, God is testing you. Criticism is always a test of your humility. You can count on it. Anytime you are criticized, God is testing your humility to see if you are going to respond in a defensive way, an offensive way or a humble way.

I wonder how many lonely wives are sitting here right now. Or lonely husbands. Or lonely children. Or lonely grandparents. Because in our prideful desire to do more and get more and be more or have more and do our plans and our agenda, people get ignored who we should be caring about. Who do you need to go to and ask the question this week, “What’s wrong in my life?”

Do you have the courage to do that? Humility is not for wimps. It’s not for pansies. It’s not for passive, low self-esteem people – insecure people. It takes courage to be humble, to face the music, to handle the heat, to say, “Tell me what is wrong in my life.” Do you have the courage to go to the person who knows you best and ask, “What is out of priority? What’s wrong?” It takes enormous courage to be humble. Who do you need to ask?

In many ways God wants us to be like little children. Not to be childish, but when it comes to humility, God wants you to be childlike. Matthew 18:4 (NIV) “Therefore anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.” Why does God want us to be like children in our humility? Because children are teachable. They’re open to learning, they’re eager to learn. They’re not defensive. They don’t say, “I don’t need to learn to walk. I don’t need to learn to talk. You can’t teach me anything about reading.” Children are teachable. You have a choice this morning. You can either be teachable or you can be unteachable. You can humble yourself or you can live in arrogant, prideful denial. It’s your choice.

3. I can practice admitting when I’m wrong.

This comes a little easier for some of us than it does for others. The truth of it is, all of us make mistakes. And we do so with great regularity. It’s easy to say, “I was wrong,” if I only have to own that for a minute and then go back into attack mode. I can throw it back in another direction. “I was wrong. But you…” or “I’m really sorry, but if only you had…” What we need is brutal, humble honesty. “I own it. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

The Bible talks about this. Proverbs 28:13 (NIV) says, “He who conceals his sins does not prosper.” I don’t know your background. Some of us might have grown up in homes where we didn’t hear people say, “I’m sorry.” No one ever admitted, “I’m wrong.” So now we’re imitating that behaviour and we find it a challenge to ever come clean in the workplace or in the classroom or in the home and say, “I was wrong.” Somehow we believe if people come to know that we’re less than perfect, our esteem in their eyes will diminish. Guess what? They already know you’re not perfect.

I’m not. My wife helps me with this. Particularly when it comes to our daughters. If I have been impatient, if I have been harsh, if I have been a little neglectful and not paid attention or given appropriate love, Kim will say, “You probably ought to tidy that up with the girls.” So I will. I’ll go, and I’ll talk to them and tell them, “Daddy was wrong in that, and I overreacted,” or “I’m sorry I wasn’t as present with you as I could have been.” Rather than my esteem in their eyes going down, the more I own up to it, the higher my esteem in their little eyes becomes. It’s amazing that they think more of their daddy when I tell them I’m wrong than if I never admitted I was wrong in the first place.

The first step in healing relationships will always begin with humility. James 5:16 (NIV) says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” The fact is that we can choose to be humble, we can practice it and become good at it.

4. The fourth way you can practice courageous humility is to practice surrendering your plans to God.

This is what we usually do. We make our plans without even consulting God. Then we pray and ask God to bless our plans, which we didn’t ask Him to be a part of. We assume that our plans are His will. Then when our plans don’t happen on the timetable we want them to happen or they don’t happen at all, we get angry with God. That’s called pride. God hates pride. He’s very serious about pride.

James 4:6(NIV) says, “God opposes the proud but He gives grace to the humble.” I can think of a lot of people I wouldn’t want to have as an opponent, opposing me. I would not want to be opposed by Bill Gates at an auction. There’s no way I’m going to be winning that one.

But I really don’t want to be opposed by God, because there’s no way I’m going to win that battle. The Bible says that when I am prideful, God is not just mildly irritated at me. He’s in opposition to me at that very moment. I’m playing God. God’s opposed to me. I’m an enemy of God any time I get full of pride. That’s how serious it is. So he says in v.7 “Submit yourselves to God.” What does it mean to surrender yourself and your plans to God?

Romans 6:13 (NLT) says “Give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life.” Surrendering means, “God, I’m going with your plans for my life, not my own. God, I’ve got plans, I’ve got dreams, I’ve got goals, I’ve got ambitions, but I know that You put me on this earth for a reason, for a purpose, and God, I’m going to intentionally choose Your plan for my life instead of my own. I know you’re not going to reveal it to me all at once. It’s going to come a little bit at a time, so I’m going to take it a step at a time, but I want to go with Your plan, not mine.” That’s humility. That’s called being humble, surrendering your plans to God.

Have you done that? Have you made that decision? Have you come to the point in your life when you say, “God, I’m not going with my plan any more. I’m going totally with your plan for my life. I don’t know what it is, but I’m already signing my name on the cheque saying, ‘Yes, Lord. Whatever you want to fill in is fine with me.’ ” That is surrendering your plans to God.

Did you know that the word “humour” and “humility” and “humanity” and “human” all come from the same root word? Humility is when you take God seriously, and you don’t take yourself seriously. You need more humour about yourself. Most of us do the exact opposite. We take ourselves way too seriously. We’re so puffed up and pompous, and we don’t take God seriously enough. God says, “Do the exact opposite. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Have a little humor about yourself, but take me really seriously.”

Humility is actually being in touch with your humanity. It’s not putting yourself down and saying, “I’m nothing! I’m worthless!” It’s realizing that you’re a bundle of strengths and weaknesses. It’s just being honest about your humanity. You have some great strengths, and you have some great weaknesses. Humility is being honest about both. It’s not denying your strengths; it’s being honest about your weaknesses. Pride is always based on a false evaluation of yourself. Pride is always based on a lie. It is a false evaluation of your own talents, your own ability and where you got it. Everything you have, even your talent, is a gift from God. You don’t own it, you didn’t deserve it, you didn’t work for it, God gave it to you. You have nothing without God.

Humility, on the other hand, is an accurate, unbiased, understanding of your strengths and your weaknesses. You realize that you have limitations. It starts with the truth.

So what is the truth about you? The Bible says God infinitely loves you, you’re gifted, and you’re deeply flawed. All three of those things are true. You’re very gifted, you’re deeply flawed, you are a sinner, as all of us are, and you are deeply loved because God’s love is not based on your performance. So much of the stress in your life and in my life comes from doing things God never intended for us to do.

If you’re constantly under stress, you are doing some things that God never intended for you to do and you’re being pushed by your own pride, not by God’s plan. You need to understand your limitations. You’re not God. You’re not even superman or superwoman. You have limits.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:29 (NLT) “Take up My yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.” Jesus says, “I’m humble, and if you learn from me how to be humble, you will have rest for your soul.”

Humility is the antidote to stress. Whenever you get full of pride, you’re going to get stressed out. The more humble you are, the less stressed you’re going to be. Why? Jesus says this, “Take My yoke upon you.” What is a yoke? You probably didn’t grow up on a farm. A yoke is a double piece of wood where you harness cattle together to pull one wagon. It’s a wooden frame that joins two farm animals together. The purpose of the yoke is always to make the load lighter, to make the load easier. You’ve got two cattle pulling the wagonload of crops rather than one.

That is a simple symbol of two things. First, it’s a symbol of partnership. Jesus says, “If you’ll hook up with me, if you’ll connect to me, if you’ll take my yoke upon you, I’ll help pull the load.” You were never intended to go through life pulling the load by yourself. Jesus says, “Take My yoke upon you. It’s easy. And I’ll help you pull the load.” Whenever you’re trying to pull the load on your own, you get under stress. So you must humble yourself. “Get connected to me, and I’ll partner with you in life.” And anytime you get disconnected from Jesus Christ, you’re going to get under stress. Any time. And every time you get reconnected to Jesus Christ under His yoke, the stress level is going to go down in your life.

It’s also a symbol of control. When you put a yoke on two animals, they have to go in the same direction and they have to go at the same pace. Jesus said, “If you’ll take my yoke upon you, then I will set the direction for your life, and I will set the pace for your life, and you won’t get stressed out.” He says, “My yoke is easy.” Most of you are thinking, “My yoke isn’t easy. I’ve got a heavy schedule. I can’t even tell you all the stuff I have to get done this next week. It’s a heavy load.” Is your life a heavy load? It’s your yoke, and not God’s. You’re following your plans for your life, which God never intended for you to do, instead of His plans. His plans, He says, “My yoke is easy, my burden is light and you’ll find rest for your soul.” He says, “Hook up with me. I will not only help you with the direction of your life, but I will set the pace.” And He knows just the pace that’s right for you. Not too fast and not too slow.

Humility is giving up control of your life to God your creator who made you. That’s the ultimate act of humility. “God, you’re in charge. I’m yoking up with you. I’m connecting to you.” When I do that, my stress goes down.

Micah 6:8 (NIV) , “What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” God brought this verse to mind. I memorized it long time ago. God says there are only three things required in life. What does God require from me? Do what is right, love mercy [that means have good relationships. We’re talking about this in this 40 Days, show forgiveness and mercy and love to people] and walk humbly before God. If you do those three things, you’ve done all that God requires of you in life. Do the right thing, love mercy [show it to other people] and walk humbly before God. That simplifies life enormously. You say, “God, here are the things I need to do today – do the right thing, show love in my relationships, and walk humbly before You.” We need to pray this next verse, Psalm 119:37: (NIV) “Turn my eyes away from worthless things.” Humility is surrendering your plans to God for His.

So much of our lives we live with the myth of being in control. We think we’re controlling our destiny, our careers, our families, etc. We’re not in control of any of that. It’s all an illusion. You cannot even guarantee your next breath. You can control your responses in life, you can control your reactions in life and you can control your attitudes in life, but you can’t control anything that’s going to happen to you. You don’t even know what it’s going to be, much less control it. It’s all a myth.

Some of you in this service, I’m sure, have been in church all your lives. And you’re really a “good” person. You’re religious, and you know the prayers and the terminology, and everybody would think you’re a Christian. But you’re not really because you’ve never really surrendered your total life to Jesus Christ. That’s why God brought you here today, so you could do it. There is not a better time than right now to make that surrender. Life is so much more focused when you do that. What would keep you from that? Only one thing – arrogance, pride.

Perhaps today, you’ve realized you’ve never really surrendered your life to Christ. Maybe you’ve even realized there’s a little more pride in your life than you thought. Which of these four habits do you need to work on this week? How quickly do you adjust to the needs of others around you? Do you give deference to their preference? How eager are you to listen and to learn from correction? Do you get defensive? How quickly do you admit it when you are wrong? Have you ever done that? It takes courage to be humble. How willing are you to surrender your plans to God? God says, “The people that I treasure the most are the humble.” If you want God’s blessing in your life, would you pray this prayer?

• Prayer: Dear God, I want to be the kind of humble person that You can bless. I admit that I often do things out of selfishness and pride and what other people might think of me. I ask you to help me this week to practice these habits of humility. Help me to give preference to others – their needs, their interests. Help me to not always have my own way. Help me to be open to correction and even criticism. Help me to admit it when I’m wrong. Today, I surrender all my life and plans to You. I want Your will for my life. Help me to have a realistic view of both my strengths and my weaknesses. Jesus Christ, I turn over the controls of my life to You and I humbly ask You to be the director of my life. I want to depend upon You from this day forward. In Your name I pray. Amen.