This message is adapted from one preached by Brad Johnson.

We’re in this series “Living Real Relationships – With God’s Love,” and we’re looking at different aspects of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. This morning we’re going to talk about love is being respectful, showing respect to others. In 1 Corinthians 13:5, we find these words: “Love is not rude. It is not self seeking.” (NIV) You sum that up, and it basically means you treat other people respectfully.

The idea of respect is talked about a lot in the Bible. In Deuteronomy 28 and Leviticus 19, it tells us to show respect to those who are elderly. In 1 Samuel 2, a preacher’s sons were called scoundrels because they showed no respect for the Lord. In Ephesians 5 and 6, husbands and wives were taught to respect each other, and slaves and masters were told to have mutual respect as well.

We have a memory verse we hope you’ll get into your mind and you’ll think about it through this week and actually through your life. 1 Peter 2:17 says, “Show respect for everyone and love your Christian brothers and sisters.” (NLT)

Respect is one of those topics we talk about and it’s a word we use a lot, but have you ever given much thought to what the word “respect” really means? I can remember as a little boy my mom saying, “That was disrespectful.” Or “You need to show respect in this situation.” But I never had anybody to define that for me.

So I refused to go to a dictionary this week. I wanted to come up with a definition out of my own experience with this word. See if it rings true with your experience. Here’s how I’d like to define respect for our own purposes: Respect is showing value and honour to others by our actions. When we dishonour or devalue a person, we could say we disrespected them. We disregarded them. But to respect someone is to show value and honour.

Do people feel better or worse after they’ve been with you? This is one way to know whether you’re a respectful person. Do they feel inspired, valued, respected? Or do they feel worse, diminished, unappreciated?

Jesus Christ was absolutely the best in showing honour and love to other people. He was amazing at this. People just felt valued when they were in his presence. He did it by the things that he would do for them and with them and the words he would speak into their lives. By his actions, he showed respect for other people.

There’s a little snippet of scripture I’d like to read to you. It’s found in Luke 7. It’s a slice of life right from the ministry of Christ. I could have shown you many places in the Bible where these same characteristics of Jesus are true. Luke 7:36 (NLT) says, “One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to come to his home for a meal, so Jesus accepted the invitation and sat down to eat. A certain immoral woman heard He was there and brought a beautiful jar filled with expensive perfume. [Circle the word “expensive” because I’m going to talk abut that in just a minute.] Then she knelt behind Him at his feet, weeping. [That’s an unusual phrase – “behind him at his feet.” But you need to understand the culture of the day. People would recline on their side, on the floor toward the table. They would eat off a very low table and they’d recline toward it so their feet would be on the ground behind them. So here’s this woman coming up behind Jesus and she’s weeping.] Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them. When the Pharisee who was the host saw what was happening and who the woman was, he said to himself, ‘This proves that Jesus is no prophet. If God had really sent him, he would know what kind of woman is touching Him. She’s a sinner.’”

Verse 40, “Jesus spoke up and answered the Pharisee’s thoughts, ‘Simon,’ he said to the Pharisee. ‘I have something to say to you.’ ‘All right, teacher,’ Simon replied, ‘Go ahead.’ Then Jesus told him this story. ‘A man loaned money to two people. Five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty pieces of silver to another but neither of them could repay him so he kindly forgave them both cancelling their debt. Simon, who do you suppose loved him more after that?’ Simon answered, ‘I suppose the one for whom he cancelled the larger debt.’ ‘That’s right,’ Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and he said to Simon, ‘Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, Simon, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet [which was just common courtesy in those days.] but she’s washed them with her hair. You didn’t give me a kiss of greeting [that was just common courtesy in those days] but she has kissed my feet again and again from the first time I came in. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head but she’s anointed my feet with rare perfume. I tell you, Simon, her sins though they’re many, have been forgiven. And so she loves me much. But a person who’s forgiven little shows only a little love.’ Then Jesus said to the woman, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’”

We find in this story what I like to call four signs of respect.

This first sign says:

1. Stop.

It means, “Stop talking and listen.”

I look at this story and it occurs to me what a wonderful listener Jesus was. He especially listened to this woman. And you can read the story and see that he listened to Simon the Pharisee, too. As a matter of fact, he listened so well to Simon the Pharisee, the Bible says that he read his thoughts. This was the Son of God, and he was paying good attention to even what Simon was thinking. But he especially listened to this woman.

You look at this story, and it could confuse you. You say, “As far as I can tell this woman never spoke.” You’re right. She never utters a word. Not even one. But Jesus listened to her. Wouldn’t you agree with me that this woman was saying something to Jesus? Wouldn’t you agree with me that listening goes way beyond just hearing the words that another person says? It’s seeing what’s in their eyes. It’s feeling what’s in their heart. It’s reading between the lines. It’s listening in the moments of silence. This woman was speaking. She was speaking loudly in her tears and in her service to Christ and in the washing of his feet and the kissing of his feet. She had a message, and Jesus, it seems, was the only one who heard it. He was the only one listening to her.

Some time later in the Bible, the Apostle Paul was writing to Christians at the church in Corinth. He congratulated them on something. Paul’s friend Titus had visited those Christians some time earlier. Apparently he had a great experience. Why did Titus feel respected? Because of the way they welcomed him and because of the way they listened to him.

Are you a good listener? Would people around you say you really are a good listener? Do people feel like you’re fully present with them whenever they’re with you? Or is there anybody in your world who might just be whispering under their breath, “Would you please stop talking? Would you please stop advising? Stop rambling. Stop pontificating. Would you just stop and listen?”

A second sign you’ll see hanging around the neck of every person you’ll ever encounter is…

2. No U-Turn.

Here’s what it means: Keep your promises.

You tell people you’re going to do such and such, and they really want to believe you. She said this, so that’s the direction she’s going. But before you know it you have turned the wheel and squealed the tyre and you’re going in an opposite direction from the commitment that you made to those people around you.

If you look at this encounter between Jesus and the woman you will find a remarkable promise being made. He said, “Your sins are forgiven,” and Jesus keeps all his promises. Have you ever had someone break a promise to you? They told you they were going to do something that was very important, and they didn’t do it. Did that make you feel honored and respected, or did it make you feel discounted and disrespected?

Proverbs 25:14 (NIV)says, “Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of gifts he does not give” Could Jesus have been any clearer when He declared in Matthew 5:37, “Just let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no.’ ” Keep your word.

I think most of the time when we break our promises, we break them because we made those promises hastily. We didn’t think about our schedule or the schedule of others. We didn’t consider what might or might not happen. We just made a rash commitment, and because we didn’t plan ahead, we end up breaking promise after promise.

The Bible talks about that too, in Proverbs 3: “Good planning and insight fill you with life and they bring you honour and respect.” Have you ever noticed how valuable promises are to children? Kids really want us to keep our promises. As a matter of fact, if you make a commitment to them, they’ll ask you, “Promise?” and we’ll say, “Yes.” But that’s not enough for them. They’ll follow it up with, “Hope to die?” Yes. That’s not enough for them, so they’ll follow it up with, “Stick a needle in your eye?” I was wondering how cool that would be in a marriage ceremony. Can’t you imagine in a corporate board room – an executive, a CEO – and they’re doing a deal, and one says to the other, “Promise? Hope to die? Stick a needle in your eye?”

God models this idea for us because he keeps all of his promises. Every promise he’s ever made, he’s kept. All the way through the Bible. Start way back in the book of Genesis, the first book of the Bible. After the flood had destroyed the world, God told Noah, “I will never again destroy the world with water. And to seal that promise,” God said, “I’ll give you a sign. That sign will be a rainbow and every time you see that sign, you’ll remember my promise.”

Keep turning pages in the Bible. God comes to 99-year-old Abraham and 89-year-old Sarah, and he promised that they would have a baby. And from that child would come many nations. And the entire world would be blessed through their lineage. Think about it – 99 and 89 and a baby! There wouldn’t be a single tooth in the whole family! To seal His promise to them, God said, “I’ll give you a sign.” It was the sign of circumcision. Abraham could have said, “How come Noah got a rainbow?”

God promised that he would send a saviour who would forgive us of our sins and be our friend and comfort and teach and lead us. And he sent his Son, Jesus. He sealed this promise of love, this new covenant, this New Testament, with his blood when he died on a cross. Every time Christians take communion, we reflect on that promise and we feel valued and honoured by God.

You and I show value and honour to others when we keep our promises to them.

The third sign is …

3. The Give Way sign.

When other people want to be first in line, get all the attention, have everybody waiting on them or doing for them or it’s all about them, those who are around people like that never feel respected. But if somebody ever puts aside their rights and gives back in an act of service, you really feel like you matter to that person.

This story in Luke 7 about this woman and Jesus is a picture of her service to the Lord. Without a word, without mention of the value of her deed, without thinking of the expense or the shame or the work or the demeaning nature of what she was doing, she just came to the feet of God’s Son and she served him.

Have you ever had anybody in your life who has served you, with no thought to their own needs or desires? Or have you ever served someone like that?

This week, I was flying back from a meeting on the East Coast, and I ran into a Saddleback member, a friend of mine, in the Dallas airport. We chatted for a few moments, and he was aware of some personal challenges in my life and offered to pray for me. And I think just wanting to serve me, he said, “Brad, I’d like for you to have my ticket,” and he offered me his first-class seat. I was blown away by that. I finally said, “Could I have the cash instead!” No, I didn’t say that!

Paul wrote these words in 2 Corinthians 12:15 (NIV) “So I will very gladly spend for you everything I have and expend myself as well.” Isn’t that a beautiful verse?

Serving is not scorekeeping. Our culture says, “I do for you, now you owe so many acts of service back to me.” “I did this, now it’s your turn to do that.” We get into this tit for tat, back and forth scorekeeping. I’ve seen so many shallow friendships, so many shallow marriages built on that kind of selfishness. The bottom line is that’s what it is. It’s not yielding, it’s not serving.

What does yielding and serving look like? There are dozens of examples I could give. I’m just going to give you a couple. One example of yielding and serving looks a whole lot like courtesy, common courtesy. Did you see the sharp comparison that Jesus drew between the lack of courtesy that the Pharisee withheld and all of the courtesy that the woman gave? Jesus was just talking about fundamental courtesy. Just the courtesy and customs of the day.

Here’s another. Service is also when we do our very best for others. When we do a deed of kindness, but we do it with a lot of reluctance, that’s not really service. But when we do our best for others, it does really show that we’re wanting to serve and that they really do matter to us.

That’s why I had you circle the word “expensive.” This woman didn’t come with a that-will-do attitude. She didn’t just “get by.” She probably had cheaper perfume. But she wanted to do for the Son of God her very best. Jesus said it’s rare perfume – rare, expensive perfume. She wanted to offer her best. This is one way we do show honour and respect for God. It’s not like God expects us to bring him something that’s perfect. None of us can do that. All of us are imperfect people. But he does expect that we bring him our best.

Malachi 1:6 (NLT) says, “The Lord Almighty says, ‘I am your Father and Master. But where are the honour and the respect that I deserve? You have despised my name.’” If you were to keep reading in that text, the people ask God, “ ‘How have we despised your name?’ and God says “You’ve despised my name by offering defiled sacrifices.’ And the people said, ‘How have we done that?’” And God says, “Here’s an example. Instead of finding the best lamb from your flock and offering that as a sacrifice, you’re bringing Me lambs that are crippled and blind and sick. It’s like you’re going out into your field and you find a little feeble lamb leaning against the fence about to die. And God says, “If that’s the way you’re going to worship Me, don’t bother.”

He doesn’t expect perfection. He knows we are incapable of giving that. But are you doing your best? Maybe even coming to church this morning, you didn’t give much thought to the honour or the value you’d show the Lord through your actions. Like at the end of our service we’re going to take an offering. To our guests that are here today, that part of the service is not for you. You’re free to just take a pass on the offering deal. We don’t want your money. We want your heart. That’s what we care about, so take a pass on the money. But for our members and for those who regularly call Saddleback Church their home, we’ll be giving an offering. Have you given any thought to the offering you’ll give to God to say, “God, I really do love You.” Or how about when we were singing? Did you give any thought of singing in such a way as if to say, “God, You really do matter to me.” Or during this time of teaching, do you have an attitude of, “God, what do You have to say to me today? I really want to do it Your way.” Worship is about God; it’s not about us. Taking our eyes off self and looking at God.

Do you live in such a way that even subtly you communicate to others that they are here for you? Or do I in any way show others their value by being there for them? It’s called service. And at the end of the day it’s called respect.

There’s a fourth and final sign…...

4. Scenic route.

This takes a moment of explanation. Typically, we’ll see this sign when we’re driving down the motorway at about 70 miles an hour. At 70, everything out of your peripheral vision is blurry because you’re going so fast and then that sign appears. You know what it’s really saying. It’s saying, “Slow down and take a look.” It’s saying, “There’s a lot here to see if you’ll only take the time.”

Look what the Bible says in Romans 12:16,( Modern version) “Get along with each other. Don’t be stuck up. Make friends with nobodies. Don’t be the great somebody.” Or Ephesians 4:2, “Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”

And everybody in the story that we read this morning about Jesus and the woman saw her as an interruption at best and a whore at worst. But not Jesus. Jesus saw her as a worshipper. And He saw her as a daughter in His kingdom.

Has there ever been a day in your life when you’ve started the morning with this prayer, “Lord, help me see every person I meet as you do.” What would change in your day?

Prayer: Heavenly Father as we bow before You, we thank You that You see in us sometimes what we don’t even see in ourselves. Father, we pray that You’ll teach us to show love by the way that we respect others and by the way we see them. Father, God, change us by Your love. I pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Is there anybody here who’s been struck right now by the fact that God sees you in a way that says “I love you, I value you, I had you on My heart while I was hanging on the cross?” Have you let God’s love touch you or soften you, invade you? Why would you not give Your life to someone who has loved you that much”