13.06.04 Relationships: 1: Between Christians Col 3:1-17 & Matt 18:21-35 by Alan Golton

Have you ever gone to church as an observer – hoping to leave without anyone stopping you, talking to you or even shaking you hand?

Perhaps you are here this morning like that – but I hope that most of us have come to meet Jesus, whom we have come to love – whom we want to know better – because he's alive and present by his Spirit – because he's promised to be where even 2 or 3 are meeting in his name.

The family of God.

I hope also that you've come to meet with others who love Jesus – because we are brothers and sisters in Christ – united by his Spirit into one family. We do not rush out of this building embarrassed to be seen – we talk and share together.

Now, if one has hurts or difficulties to face – can we expose them to each other – and minister help and encouragement to each other and pray then and there, on the spot? We ought to be able to. I believe it's a real blessing if we do!

But you may not be able to do that. Human families are sometimes the places where we get wounded the most – where we feel least understood or appreciated, where we are not listened to. That shouldn't be. Nor should it be true of us as the family of God.

Does God need to bring peace between us, as his family here? If his peace is not really here – if behind our politeness there lie wrong thoughts – or we use hurtful words or actions – then there must first of all be repentance and making up – before God is able to pour out his blessing.

So let us look at that passage that was read to us from Paul's letter to the Christians at Colossae (especially verses 12-14). This is one of the loveliest passages about love between fellow-members of the same congregation of God's people.

The context in Paul's letter: the pictures he uses.

We could just consider verses 12-14 in isolation – but if we do we shall miss something of what God is telling us here. For Paul starts with the word, Therefore…. Don't overlook that word therefore when Paul uses it – this is the 5th time [Col: 2:6,16; 3:1,5,12] in this letter! Why? Because Paul wants us to act with intelligence, understanding why we are called to behave in a certain way, and motivated to act because of that reason.

(a) Changing our clothes.

The first picture Paul uses is easily understood – the picture of taking off and putting on clothes, as a metaphor for a complete change in our way of behaving.

Because our clothing also reflects who we are, we can appreciate how changing our clothes can also denote a complete change in our standing before God. Thus in the early centuries of the Church, candidates would strip naked before being baptised – and, on coming out of the water, would be clothed again in new, clean white clothes.

So, in this letter, Paul uses this picture to describe two different, but closely related, themes.

The first concerns the decisive, once-for-all turning from the sinful, self-centred behaviour that characterises our way of life before we turn to Christ. In verse 9: you have taken off your old self with its practices. And then comes our turning to a new life of trustful obedience to our Saviour: and put on the new self.

But there is a second use. Whereas conversion and baptism are once-for-all events, lasting only a short while – the new life that follows lasts for all our remaining years on earth. During this time (verse 10): the new self is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. This is an on-going process: it often proceeds by fits and starts. We may backslide – but God graciously restores us and changes us – to become more like him in character, more like Jesus, our Saviour.

Concerning this second use, Paul writes (verse 8): you must get rid, you must discard, all such things as these: anger, and so on – and in verse 12: clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Now, we are so familiar with taking off and putting on our clothes – we do it every day – that we may not realise that no amount of moral exhortation will bring about these changes, in our own strength. If we are going to be able to change we shall need God's help and power.

(b) Death and resurrection.

So Paul also uses another metaphor – that of death and resurrection. To these Colossians Paul writes (in 2:13): And you, being dead in your sins …God made alive with Christ, having forgiven us all our sins…

What does Paul mean when he says, you were dead in your sins and … God made you alive with Christ ? In what way were we dead? In 1:21 he says, Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behaviour. This is a description of men and women outside of Christ, opposed to his Lordship, living without a saving faith in him. We were spiritually dead, deaf to his voice, without the desire or ability to live lives filled with thankfulness to God the Father…

But when God spoke the word of life to us, we came alive. When we trusted Christ for salvation, God saw us as united to his Son. His death for us counted in God's sight as our death and his resurrection became our resurrection. Instead of being spiritually dead we are now spiritually alive with a new God-given life so that we hear his voice and want to obey him – and are given the power to do so, by his Spirit, who came to dwell in our hearts. In Paul's words in 2:12 we were buried with Christ in baptism and raised with him through our faith in the power of God…

For the person who is baptised as a believer or, at least, converted at a time they can remember, this change is a thing of a moment: for others of us there was no instant they can recall. Nevertheless, there was a moment, known to God, when he imparted new life in Christ, and we trusted Christ for salvation. It's like crossing a watershed: on one side of a range the water flows one way, on the other it flows to a different ocean. As we cross the range, we may not distinguish the moment we actually cross the watershed, but afterwards we know we have, because of the direction in which the rivers flow.

But – although that old sinful self was buried ceremonially at our baptism, along with all our old attitudes and behaviour, and although we have now been given new life – the earthly nature remains: what Paul in the Greek calls the flesh, with its old habits and desires still clinging to us.

Even though we are in a moment forgiven, and put in a new relationship with God as his adopted sons and daughters (Rom 8:13-16; Gal 4:4-7; John 1:12; 1 Jn 3:1,2) – we are not made instantly holy and perfect – we are being renewed – it is a life-long process. (Col 3:10)

As a poet has expressed it: (F.W.H.Myers – "St. Paul" – 1867)

• Let no man think that sudden in a minute
• All is accomplished and the work is done -
• Though with thine earliest dawn thou shouldst begin it
• Scarce were it ended in thy setting sun.

How our lives must change.

We are therefore to put to death whatever belongs to our earthly nature – and Paul lists, in verses 5 & 8, the kinds of sinful attitudes and acts he means. And what a list they are! What is more destructive of friendship than malice or slander! He says, (verse 8): we must rid ourselves of all such things…and clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Do you realise that these qualities were, in several instances, those that pagans despised? – and still do! Humility – counting others as better than ourselves. Gentleness – the willingness to suffer injury rather than inflict it. Patience – refusing to give way to bursts of anger or passion when provoked. It is only because of Christ that we admire these qualities, and desire them!

Human philosophers may tell us about good conduct, good morality and ethics – but they have no power to give us, to overcome the ingrained selfishness of the human heart. They may induce us to an outward conduct that is law-abiding and respectable – but human ethics cannot change the heart and make these virtues arise and grow within – and issue in a changed life. That is the work of God.

The difference lies also in the motivation. The unchanged man or woman desires to conform to behaviour that brings them worldly approval or advantage, that salves their conscience. The man or woman who is being renewed .. in the image of his or her Creator is being given the mind of Christ, (1 Cor 2:16; Rom 8:5-8; 12:2; Eph 4:20-24) who always sought to do what pleased his Father, and glorified him.

Let us each one ask if this is true of ourselves – and if not, to ask Christ to come and dwell in us and change us! For the qualities, the characteristics that Paul lists in verse 12 – are they not descriptive of Christ himself? The whole purpose of our salvation is that we should become like him!

Forgiveness of others.

Do you ever get mad at anyone? We men – if someone else is promoted to the job we had hoped to have – or if someone damages our car – or whatever is our pride and joy – how do we react? You ladies – if someone lets you down and doesn't keep their promise – or if someone breaks into your home, takes your prized possessions, and leaves the place in an awful mess – how would you react? Yes, we know how we ought to react – but we know it would be very hard to do so – for we love ourselves & our possessions more than we ought.

What, then, about the smaller hurts, annoyances and irritations that can and do occur between fellow-members of the congregation? Ought they not to be easier to forgive? That person who hasn't visited you or spoken to you? That hurtful remark or gesture? The way in which you were overlooked and not asked to do something? Your loneliness that others never notice, or your efforts that are never encouraged…?

Paul goes on to speak of bearing with each other and forgiving each other. Doesn't this lie at the heart of our relationships with each other? And what reason, what motive does he give us? That the Lord has forgiven us.

Forgiveness flows from a heart that knows itself truly forgiven for a debt it can never repay. In the light of God's forgiveness, how can we hold on to resentment against others?

For God wants his family to be like himself – forgiving each other – accepting each other – loving each other. God doesn't ask us to change before he forgives us – he accepts us as we are – and then he changes us.

Seeing the faults of our brothers and sisters in Christ – do we rush in to let them know – forgetting Jesus's story of the man who saw a speck in his brother's eye – and said, "Let me get that bit out of your eye" – not noticing he'd got a great plank stuck in his own eye!

When Peter said, (Matt 18:21) Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? – Jesus told him the story of the king who was settling accounts with his servants. One comes in who owes the king – hundreds of millions. You can't pay? Right: sell him into slavery – and his wife and children – sell all he has – that'll go a little way to pay off his debt!

What does the servant do? He falls on his knees: Your majesty – have mercy on me. Only give me a little time – and I'll pay you back. Have mercy on me! And the king relents. Servant, I won't give you any time at all! I'm going to let you off. We'll blot out all that debt – and start again with a clean record. Go out and serve me again. And the servant goes out.

And what happens next? Immediately he bumps into a fellow servant who owes him a thousand euros or so. Pay me back what you owe me! Pay up or else..! And his fellow replies, "Please be patient. Give me a little time to pay!" Never! – and he has him locked up until he could pay. You remember the sequel. The other servants are distressed and horrified. They tell the king – who calls his servant in. "You wicked man – I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow-servant just as I had on you?"

That's why, when we ask God's forgiveness in the Lord's Prayer, we recognise our own need to forgive others. Let's accept and love each other as freely as God loves and accepts us – and showers us with blessings.

Plainly God wants more than a stiff 'correctness' – a lukewarm politeness. He wants more even than a ready forgiveness from the heart. He wants men and women who care, with warm and overflowing hearts for each other. Not folk who carp and criticise, but who love and welcome each other. Who open their homes and lives gladly to each other. Who pray for each other, for all kinds of blessings.

Jesus didn't tell us just to pray for those we get on well with – or who love us. He told us to love our enemies and to pray for those who hurt us. For that is exactly what he did for us.

Let's remember how Jesus – on that night he was to be betrayed by Judas, and the hurt of it was reaching him – stripped to the waist, put a towel round him – and did the work of a slave, washing their feet. Work they were too proud and quarrelsome to do for each other.

Putting things right.

Perhaps the Lord is reminding us right now of little things that have spoiled our relationships with our friends. Things that ought to be put right – but we've pushed them to the back of our minds. But God reminds us. Perhaps they seem too trivial. But Jesus says, If you… remember that your brother has something against you – it could be real or imagined, couldn't it? – that doesn't matter, it's real to him – First go and put it right - before you come and worship God. (Matt 5:23,24)

Perhaps you think that doesn't apply to you? – because you feel that you are the one who has been hurt; it's you that has the grievance. Then may I say this? Isn't your resentment a wrong? A wrong done to that other person? Jesus never resented anyone – have we any right to do so? Isn't it a sin needing God's forgiveness? And, if the other person is aware of it, the forgiveness of that one, too? So Jesus's word does apply to us. God took the initiative for our forgiveness – although he was the one offended – and so must we. Either way, we must go and put things right, first.

At a big Christian event in England, called Spring Harvest, a practical opportunity was given for each of us to do just that. We could show our love by taking a piece of bread from a steward and going over to someone we needed to put things right with – by asking their forgiveness and giving them the bread as a token of our love. I knew I had to do it towards my younger son and daughter, with whom I had often been impatient and unreasonable and lots of other things. Many others were taking the same opportunity – it releases much love and joy – and praise to God, who so much desires us to become like him.

A formal opportunity like that can be a great help – and we shall have one in a moment ourselves, at the Peace, when we can go to anyone and ask their forgiveness. But, of course, we can do the same thing at any time. God waits for us to do it – because it is then and there – in the words of Bible:Psalm+133 – that the LORD bestows his blessing – on our whole church family.